As you may know or remember, I spent 29 years in the military, and it was instilled in me to do everything above and beyond expectations.  Now as a civilian, what I thought I left behind has followed me.  Most of it is ok, but there are times when the need to be perfect interferes with reality.  I have a funny, but not so funny example.

I had company one day and my friend asked me to bake a cake.  I agreed, got everything done, the cake cooled, and when I went to take it out of the pan, it stuck.  Instead of trying to salvage it, I threw everything associated with that cake in the trash.   Sounds stupid, but that is how I was wired—if it’s not perfect, trash it, and start over. Needless to say, my  friends were confused and still wanted the cake.  I say that to say this: trying to be perfect really has its downfalls.

I accepted Christ into my life about 8 years ago, and I stopped all my drinking, cussing, and clubbing, all of which were kind of a breeze.  It was all the other stuff I had to get out of my system that wasn’t.  The biggest one was, and still is, the need to be perfect in my eyes, and in the eyes of others. To me not only was I trying to do right and please God, but I was really doing was trying  to be perfect and I couldn’t figure out why.

Now that I’m in church, attending Bible studies regularly, and doing a lot of reading on my own, I found myself saying things like: “Why can’t I pray like that, or why can’t I remember scriptures like they do?” I have sisters that are preachers and great teachers, so I talk with them and hear them pray, preach, and teach a lot. That’s a good thing. The bad part is, mind you, I wasn’t hating on them, but bashing myself for underplaying the abilities I do have, that is until now.  Long story short, I was recently given some insight from God through one of them.

In His words, not mine, He said:  “You need to stop being so hard on yourself, because you are much harder on you than I am”.   He went on to say:  “The only person you need to be like is ME, not the preachers and teachers that you listen to.  So, stop judging yourself as unworthy because you forgot a scripture or stumbled on a prayer because no one is righteous (perfect), not one.  Once you understand this, you will gain peace and even more understanding.”  Because God wants what’s best for me even when I can’t hear Him for myself, I now understand it’s not about wishing, being, and acting like someone else.  No, it’s about being the best you that you can be.  We should not be living our lives for people but trying to live them for God.

If any of you struggle with trying to be perfect or think you are falling short, go to the one that knows and sees all.  Don’t rely on what you think and see.  Instead, it’s better to rely on what God thinks and how He sees, because He’s the only one who really knows the truth about it all.  The Bible says, we are all fearfully and wonderfully made by Him—just the way He made us.  (May God continue to bless you, your brother in Christ…TMK).